Not Good Enough

1-15-18 Not Good Enough

…

There is an idea that one is not good enough - the work is not developed enough, not smart enough, elegant or eloquent enough.  One is clumsy and shallow, and not interesting enough, not clear enough. And it can be seen that this is what is, what has come through, what has grown given the environment and attributes of the being.  One would not demand more of any other being, plant or animal, and yet one demands more and wants more, and wants others to stamp the person with approval.

It’s almost as if one said to God – sorry it’s not enough – you should do better with My Life.  Since we cannot complain to God in this way – would not dare or would not think it appropriate, or would not believe in this relationship – we blame ourselves for the perceived inadequacy of our being, especially as we imagine our lack of worth to others, not only because we feel that maybe we are a disappointment, but also that we are so invisible, so lacking in value to them.  And we may also want to take responsibility for who we are and as an extension what the world created by humans has become. 

Our very real concerns may distort or even make the problems worse as we struggle to understand the situation. Our actions may not be enough – as small and limited in their direction as they are. So these feelings combined with a desire to act is quite a heavy burden. Is it true or false?  It may be true in terms of how we think and feel. We do feel inadequate and unsure of how to proceed.  But the burden may be false as we can't adequately assess the problem if we don't clearly see the options and the possibilities for being and relating. (Do you remember the last time the psychological cloud was very heavy and the dissipation of the heavy feelings as new understanding occurred?)

And if one imagines the ideal, but does not consider the reasons for why things are the way they are, then one is not able to solve the problem or realize the ideal.  The ideal is always out of reach.  When one sees what is and why it is, one can at least assess the mountain for its true size and shape, instead of looking beyond it at some gauzy possibility.

That is not to say that one can’t clean up one’s act, or that this is the only possibility for living life.  It just means that one must see the true nature of the problem before it can be transformed, uprooted, cleaned up, or abandoned.

It is difficult to know where to focus. We do not hold it all in front of us at the same time, the compartments are functional and separate. (When I am talking about the president I am not discussing my local issues with friends, and when I worry about my job concerns I am not thinking of the rising oceans.) 

We are individual beings creating a social world and conditioned from social values.  There is no separation between these positions (personal/social) but our feelings may be more directly tied to the psychological desires and the physical security of the individual. And we may still have concern for the larger social order as we know it will impact on us personally and on those who we care for, and for the larger earthly family.  

So our feelings of inadequacy on a personal level, may beg for us to abandon our self-concern in order to see who we are in relationship to others, to the earth as our physical base, and to Life that creates and sustains us without separation.

1-16-18 Clearing the Confusion

How do you take care of your feelings of guilt, disappointment, and sadness?

How do you live with? How do you overcome? How do you acknowledge anger and inadequacy?

It’s all in the past, but how do you project the future given this as your assessment of what has resulted from your life, your actions this far?

If one thinks that these feelings are justified (and they may be given the criteria that caused them) then one must feel them and acknowledge them fully.  But one can also question the criteria and assumptions that suggest that we live in the way that would produce these feelings.

Perhaps these feelings occur because we put unreasonable expectations and demands for performance and circumstance on our lives, and in reviewing the story we see ourselves to be lacking.

One would have to assess what the situation and events are in living that creates such feelings.  Is there anything we can do to prevent or control such events?  And do our feelings rightly correspond to what has occurred?  We may absolutely be right to be sad, angry, disappointed.

And these feelings may pass like clouds, like the events that occurred.  If we don’t insist that the future corresponds to the past – we allow that we don’t know what will occur, then we don’t carry the burden.

The feelings themselves may be markers of exploration.  We may feel the pain and suffer, but if one is not too caught by that, then the assessment of circumstance and reaction may bring some useful information about the way things are or are thought to be. The feelings may point to the inconsistencies, the division, the false promises, and the impossible correspondence between what we are and what we think we should be.

In that seeing, one is clear of the confusion.

(Image: Moving On)