11/25/16 Gifts
This drawing, Gifts, started with an insight into my anxiety during social exchanges. I felt that I had to present myself in a certain way in order to be seen as worthy of interest and friendship. The insight was also to notice that I was expecting others to live up to my criteria as well. The proof of worthiness was more important than fundamental being. I could not accept that others were worthy of my interest or love if they didn’t show some quality that I admired. And of course, I knew that I could be judged by others in the same way. People do not always value you for what you think are your gifts. You may not present to them what they really love or need. You may not know how to admire them adequately or offer services that they can use. They may not be curious enough to know what a loyal friend you would be or how they could have an interesting conversation with you.
It is also true that you can’t be with everyone and not all relationships will be profound. A small gift of a smile or hello might be all that is exchanged and needed. (How often we have felt hurt when a hello is ignored.)
Sometimes gifts of relationship are not anticipated and they arrive even though you might not be ready to receive. One must be empty-handed and open in order to receive and accept the gift. When I realized that I did not have to present my gifts, my worthiness, in order to just be, there was a great emotional release as I understood the great burden that I had placed upon myself. To be, gifts or no gifts is to be alive, to be Life. Life does not have to carry anything extra with it. It is already complete. The other person is also Life. Life is conversing with Life. Acknowledged or unacknowledged this is so.
For the person, the gift is Life. And within Life is death. Life does not hold on, it lets go of itself in order for there to be more of what it is. The person may vanish, dissolve, dissipate like a cloud or a wave, but Life continues to be and to create itself.
(Image: Gifts)
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